The After Effects of Family
by idealskeptic
Summary: A year after the the Hunger Games end, Panem is still picking up the pieces. The Hawthorne family is in pieces, even though they're whole. With things in disarray, Rory steps up to fix his family - especially the older brother who took care of him for years. When things are broken, they can be dangerous but having faith means having the chance to fix what's wrong.
1. Man of the Family

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership on the characters or world I'm borrowing for this fanfiction. Never was mine, never will be.

**Author's Note: **This story starts a year after the assassination of President Coin/President Snow. At least for now, it'll be told from Rory Hawthorne's point-of-view but the main focus will be on Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason. I hope you like it!

* * *

**Chapter One: Man of the Family**

"Rory!"

I nearly jump out of my skin when Haymitch Abernathy shouts my name across his yard. The Hunger Games may be over and the rebellion may have ended a year ago but the man still scares me sometimes. I adjust the strap on my game bag and grip my bow tight. "What?"

Apparently annoyed that I don't run right over to him, he groans loudly and crosses the yard to meet me. "You could've met me halfway, boy," he mutters.

I shrug. "You need the exercise. What do you want? It's cold and I've been in the woods all day. You didn't lose Katniss again, did you?" I really hope he hasn't lost Katniss again. She's much better than I hear she was when she first got home but he and Peeta still freak out whenever she's gone in the woods too long, or whatever their definition of too long is. I always end up going to look for her, and usually almost getting shot for my trouble.

He shakes his head. "She's in the house. Has been all day. I need to talk to you about something, as you're the man of your family now."

"If I'm the man of my family now, how about you don't call me _boy_," I snap. I don't particularly want to be the man of my family. Life is better now that we've moved back to District 12 and there's no more Seam, but Gale - the coward who can't even face us more than to use his connections to somebody important to get us a house in the Victor's Village - should be the man of the family. "Can't you talk to my mother about whatever it is?"

"I could talk to her, _boy_," he says, putting emphasis on the word no doubt only to irritate me, "but I didn't think you'd want her to know just yet that your brother is in jail."

I almost drop my bow. Blinking slowly, I look over my shoulder at my house. I can see Vick in the window. "Not Vick?" I manage to croak.

"Not Vick," he repeats. "I think we both know who I'm talking about."

I put the end of my bow on the ground and lean on it, sort of like a crutch. "I thought he was some big hero that everybody loved who could do no wrong."

"Drunkenly shoving women off fifth floor balconies tend to change the opinions people might have of the drunk doing the shoving." He crosses his arms against the cold and braces his legs. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this way but I figured blunt would be best."

I nod, but it isn't necessarily in agreement. It's hard to get my mind around what he said. The smartest thing to do seems to be to repeat it. "Are you telling me Gale was drunk and shoved a woman off a fifth floor balcony?"

"I am," he says, and I don't miss the regret in his voice.

"Is she dead?" I say very slowly, or at least that's the way it sounds to my ears.

He shakes his head, and I feel stupid with relief. "No, she's not dead. She's hurt but she's alive."

"Did he mean to do it?"

"Doubt it. Speaking from experience, alcohol and being blind drunk with it makes you do idiotic things you probably wouldn't do otherwise. Point is, Rory, that he did it. So he's in jail." He sighs loudly, my shaken mind weirdly mesmerized by the frosty cloud that escapes from him. "Doesn't help, though, that he pushed a _victor _off a balcony. You know, one of just seven of us left alive."

I need to sit down and the bucket Posy must've been using to make a snow castle seems as good a place as any. It makes me much shorter than him but I don't care. He said Katniss was in the house so it's not her. That leaves Annie - and I will personally throttle him if he hurt Annie, Johanna, and Enobaria. I kick my boot against the closest snow castle, collapsing it quickly. "Who?"

"Johanna Mason." He holds up his hand when I start to say something. "I don't know what happened between the two of them or why she was in District 2. The fact is that it happened."

I shake my head, trying to get the fuzziness out. "What's going to happen to him?"

"Don't know. I imagine it'll be up to President Paylor in the end, and probably depend on what Johanna says happened - not that it could've been her fault."

I stand up and square my shoulders as best I can. "I know you're telling me because I'm apparently the man of the family now, but I don't know what you want me to do. How am I supposed to tell my mother this?"

"I'll tell her," he says more gently than I expect, "and I don't really want you to do anything. I'm telling you in case you might want to go to Two and see him."

Oddly, I do want to go to Two and see him. It's very strange, when I've tried so hard for the last year to resent him. If he's drinking that much, he's suffering. What he did to Johanna is still inexcusable, but I know he's feeling it now. "I'd be allowed to see him?" I ask, not even caring that I'm giving away how I feel about it all.

"Yeah, I'll get you in. What are the chances your mother will want to go along?"

I shrug. "Vick's got bronchitis bad and it looks like Posy played outside today but she was coughing this morning. She'd probably at least be convinced to stay home with them even if it isn't her first thought."

He nods and blows on his fingers. "Good enough. I'll talk to her now. Be ready to leave on the train in the morning. You'll have to travel alone. That alright?"

I flex my jaw, and feel silly for it. "I'm the man of the house, aren't I? Of course it's alright."

He nods once and walks toward the front door of our house.

I take the opportunity to slip into the back door, startling Posy who is eating a cupcake clearly made by Peeta and meant for dessert. I put my finger of my lips. "I won't tell but if Mom notices one missing, you're on your own."

She sticks a frosting covered tongue out at me but grins in agreement. "Is that dead stuff in your bag?"

I tell her I'll be right back, thanking her for reminding me that I actually got the stuff for Katniss - who is planning a special stew for Peeta for tomorrow - and hurry back outside and to her house. She still doesn't talk much to many people so she doesn't ask any question when I hand off the stuff and disappear again. No way in hell am I going to be the one to tell her about Gale and Johanna. And given the sort of happy look on her face, Haymitch hasn't told her yet either.

By the time I get back, my mother is fighting back tears but tells me she's glad I'm going, even if it is alone. Haymitch reassures her that I'll be fine and that I'll be travelling on a government issued pass so no one will give me any trouble. Then, after dinner, I get a long lecture about making sure I eat enough and call when I get there. Vick's jealous I get to go and nobody tells Posy anything.

Haymitch signs the pass, because he's apparently still got some importance in the government, and writes out directions for me to follow when I get to District Two. He's sending me straight to Enobaria, which is a little alarming in and of itself, but he tells me that the few victors basically have the run of the country and she'll get me where I need to be. He's already talked to her and told her I'm coming. The crazy woman who tears out throats with her teeth probably isn't the best tour guide, but she's what I've got.

All around, it's best this way.

I'll be the man of the family if I have to.

I don't particularly want to, but I will.

After all, I don't have a Reaping to fear anymore.


	2. Smartass Like He Is

**Thanks **for the sweet reviews that were left for the first chapter! I really, really hope you like this new chapter and please do let me know! It's still from Rory's point of view, but things should start coming together slowly but surely.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Smartass Like He Is**

"Hawthorne!"

I jump when someone shouts my name across the crowded District Two train station. It's Enobaria, no doubt. And I wish she hadn't yelled my last name since chances are at least some people around here know Gale and what he did.

She comes to stand beside me and nudges me in the direction I'm supposed to go. "Do you want to see your idiot brother first or get food and dump your stuff somewhere?"

"Somewhere? What, like in an alley?" She scares me, sure, but I've got to not let her see that. She can't think I'm just a stupid kid.

"Oh, good. You're a smartass like he is. Excellent." She smirks at me and crosses a street in front of an armored car. "I promised Abernathy you could stay with me so you'll be dumping your stuff at my place. Now, idiot brother, food, or my place?"

I decide then and there to kill Haymitch for arranging my stay this way. I don't want to stay in a house with just her for company. I could've stayed anywhere else. Including in an alley. "Idiot brother," I say, because putting off going to sleep near her should always wait and I ate on the train.

"Thought so." She starts walking faster, alternating between darting around people and pushing them out of her way - so I follow in her wake and hope everyone focuses on her.

We stop in front of a building made of steel and glass. It spans the length of a block, or at least it did at one time. About half of it seems to have collapsed, no doubt during the war. If this is the place where people who broke the rules in District Two went under the Peacekeepers, life under Cray and even Thread wasn't so bad in Twelve.

Enobaria yanks a door open and stalks directly up to a man in a uniform behind a desk. "Got a visitor for Hawthorne, Fabian. He still in cell 47?"

Fabian is clearly terrified of her. I like making up stories for people I don't know and as I follow the two of them up a set of steel stairs, and watch him tremble and shake, I decide he was born in Two. He was too poor to train as a Career so he's struggling to adjust to the new world order where she's not so powerful. He's losing the battle.

"I'll supervise. Go back to the desk," she tells him when we stop outside a door marked with a sloppily painted 47. She turns to me before she unlocks the door. "He was really smashed when he shoved her off the balcony. I don't know how long he'd been drinking before that, but he might still be drying out and coming off it."

The words on constant repeat in my head have something to do with idiotic, cowardly, foolish brothers but I try to brush it off. "Fine. Whatever. If he's in crappy shape, I'll leave."

She shrugs her shoulders and pushes the door open. "Look alive, Other Boy," she calls out into the cell. "You're brother's here."

I step inside and notice she leaves the cell door open but sits on the floor beside it in the hallway. I guess that's privacy. Not that I expected it given why I'm here. I look around the small room. It's entirely unremarkable, expect for the fact that my brother - my brave, courageous brother who isn't afraid of anything - is curled up in a ball on a filthy mattress on the floor.

I shift my weight and clear my throat, wishing he'd do what she said and look alive. It doesn't work. "Gale?" I say finally. "Gale?"

"Why are you here?" he mutters into the crook of his arm, not moving a muscle.

"Haymitch told me what happened. He said I should come. So I did." I realize as I say it that I don't really know why I came. Maybe because I knew, before I even saw him, that I am the man of the family now. "Why'd you do it, Gale?"

He straightened out and flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling instead of looking at me. "Because I'm a cowardly, idiotic fool?"

That we think of him the same way is one part unnerving and one part comforting. I flex my fingers against the cold air and switch my bag to the other shoulder. "As true as that is, it's a lame thing to say. You pushed Johanna Mason off a balcony. You could've killed her. Were you trying to kill her?"

That makes him sit up and finally look at me, even if it's more at my knees than at my face. "No! No, I was not trying to kill her, Rory. I love her."

As he sobs into his hands, I realize it is the very last thing I expected him to say. He loves her. Gale loves Johanna Mason. I suppose it explains why she was in District Two. It doesn't explain why he pushed her off a balcony. That's important too.

I crouch down and try to get him to focus. "If you love her, why did she end up falling? That's not love, Gale. You know it isn't."

He leans back against the wall and exhales a shaky breath. "We had an argument. I didn't mean to push her. I didn't mean for her to fall. I grab her arm and she pulled away and she fell." He moans, covering his face again, and chokes back another sob. "At least that's what I think happened."

It makes sense he wouldn't remember it all. It sucks, but it makes sense. I suppose, with any luck, it happened at a place that still has cameras in place. "Do you remember what the argument was about?"

The laugh that escapes from him kind of scares me. "We were arguing about my drinking. She said I had to quit. I said I didn't."

I want to say more. I don't know what I want to say, but I want to say more. I can't though. Enobaria tells me then it's time to go and that I can come back in the morning. Since I can't say more, I bend down and hug my brother. I feel guilty for the things I've thought about him the last year. But I wish he'd have asked for help.

"Will you go see her?" he says before he lets go of me. "Will go see Johanna? Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her for what it's worth I will always love her. Please, Rory. Please go see her."

"Alright, Gale," I murmur, feeling uneasy about the state of my brother. "Alright. I'll tell her all that if she'll see me. Get some rest, okay?"

He collapses back onto the mattress almost immediately.

Enobaria locks the cell door behind me and motions me toward the stairs. "Hospital's got visiting hours that even I can't get around," she says as she falls into step beside me. "You can see her tomorrow sometime. You look tired and I have food at my place, let's just go there."

I am tired, too tired to argue. So I follow her to the District Two Victor's Village. It surprises me a little that all the houses are full, but I vaguely remember President Paylor decreeing that each living victor was entitled to a house in the district of their choice but that all other houses were to be equitably distributed to the needy citizens of the districts. Or something like that.

I wash up and dump my bag in the room she pointed me to before I go back downstairs to a meal of chicken pot pies.

She laughs when I tell she didn't have to cook for me and tells me she bought them at a restaurant in town. When I ask if it isn't odd for her to be helping me after what Gale did to a victor, she shakes her head. "Johanna and I have never been the best of friends but victors stick together. We do what we can to help each other. So I'm helping her."

I don't understand, and I say so.

"I'm the one that called Haymitch. I called because she asked me to. She asked me to tell him to send you." She sighs when I still seem confused. "Johanna loves your brother. Even after she fell. She thinks you can help him most. So I'll help her get what she wants."


	3. How Bad is He?

**Chapter Three: How Bad Is He?**

I wake up early, just before dawn, and decide I don't need a constant chaperone. Enobaria's still in her room and she'll know where to find me when she wakes up. I help myself to a banana from the kitchen counter and leave her a note on a scrap of paper. She didn't show me the hospital but I saw a building with a red cross on it, so I'll go there first.

The pale middle aged woman behind the desk looks at me skeptically when I ask for Johanna's room number. "What'd you say your name is, honey?"

Maybe I should've waited for Enobaria. Since I don't have a fancy badge or pass, I offer up the next best thing - since there's a chance she'll hear my last name and call whatever the Peacekeepers are called now. "I'm Katniss Everdeen's cousin."

Everything changes in the blink of an eye.

She scurries around the desk and hugs me. "Oh, you are, aren't you? I recognize you from the interviews in the Games she won with dear Peeta. How are they? We've seen so very little of them in the last year. Do give them my best, won't you? Now, I bet she asked you to come out and see Johanna Mason for her, didn't she? Of course she did. Follow me."

I blink twice because she asked four questions and didn't let me answer a single one. Maybe that's alright, though. After all, I'm not Katniss' cousin. I shake it off and follow her down the hall, thanking her when she stops in front of a closed door.

"Of course. Anything for the Mockingjay's cousin. Now, just be sure not to upset Miss Mason or wear her out, alright? She's in a delicate condition."

With that, she's gone. I wish she'd stayed just a little bit longer, long enough to tell me what was delicate about her condition. I've only talked to her a handful of times, and they were over a year ago in District Thirteen. This sucks.

The woman had pushed open the door so, with no better plan coming to mind, I step inside the room.

Johanna sees me a lot faster than Gale did. But she just stares at me.

So I stare back at her. There are scrapes down the side of her face and her left arm is in a sling. She's almost as pale as she was when they brought her from the Capitol to Thirteen. And it looks like she's still afraid of water, even in the hospital.

"How bad is he?" she says finally.

The fact that she's asking about him before anything else means that maybe Enobaria is right - maybe she does love him. With that in mind, I keep up my newfound talent of twisting the truth. "He's been better. He's worried about you. He asked me to come and see you."

She smiles. She actually smiles. That the guy who pushed her off a balcony is worried about her makes her happy. I don't understand victors.

Unfortunately for me, the smile is not accompanied by words and I can't think of anything to say. So I do what any awkward fifteen year old would do and look around the room for something to say. There's one machine attached to her by a wire and the gray part of the machine is spitting out a stream of paper with jagged lines on it. There are clear plastic tubes in her nose. There's some pincher type thing on one of her fingers. Oddly, though, the sling and the scrape are the only visible signs that she fell. When I can't hold back anymore, I wave my hand at it all. "They didn't tell me how badly you're hurt," I say, hoping she'll say something in return.

"Not that bad, really," she says, turning to stare out the window at the gray sky. "I landed in a decorative fish pond so it was mostly me losing my mind because I was submerged in water. I dislocated my shoulder and lost my mind."

"What's with all the machines then?" Somehow I don't think she wants to discuss her fear of water with me. Or maybe it's just me not wanting to talk about it with her. It also doesn't escape my attention that none of them seem to be feeding medicine into her - like they had in Thirteen all the times Gale ended up in the hospital wing.

She holds up the hand with the pincher thing. "This checks the oxygen in my blood. I don't know why. The thing in my nose regulates my oxygen if I start to freak about water. And this," she says, tapping the wire attached to the paper producing machine, "makes sure I'm not having contractions."

Contractions.

My eyes zero in on her stomach, where a small bump is hidden beneath the blankets. She's pregnant. She can't be too far along, but she is pregnant.

I slump onto a stool beside her bed. "Are you? Having contractions?" I croak.

"No, not a one. They say the baby's heartbeat is fine too." She looks at me again and her brown eyes twist in confusion. "You didn't know, did you?"

She expected I would know. That means one thing.

She's pregnant with Gale's baby.

He shoved the woman pregnant with his kid off a balcony.

He did it because she said he drank too much.

Life sucks.

I shake my head. The time for fibbing is long gone. "No. I didn't know before I came here and Gale didn't tell me yesterday."

A change washes over her in front of my eyes. She becomes the angry, defiant girl I remember seeing on television. Only that's just how she tries to look. She's scared and vulnerable to me - and I wonder if that's how Gale saw her, sees her. "I'm sorry. Listen, I'm tired so you should go. If you go back and see him, tell him if he agrees to let Dr. Aurelius treat him or figure out who should treat his drinking problem, I won't press charges. If he wants to keep drinking, he can rot in hell and never, ever see me or the baby again. Tell him that, okay?"

I nod, because there's nothing else to do. I'll come back and see her but I don't think she wants to know that right now.

I leave the room and flee the hospital before the lady who loves Katniss so much can corner me again.

There's only one place to go - back to the jail.

I will tell him what she said. I will tell him that if he doesn't get help, he'll never see me again - or Vick and Posy if I have anything to say about it. He didn't give us a chance to help him, so tough love will have to do. I know I won't call my mother just yet. I'll call Haymitch and tell him everything. He can decide what to tell her. Since I had to come here, I only have to deal with this part of things.

Fabian's on duty again and takes me to Gale without Enobaria there to scare him into it.

I don't give my brother a chance to say a word before I start talking. And there's no reason avoid the big thing. "The baby's fine, Gale. I know you asked me to check on Johanna, but I thought you'd want to know that your baby is fine so far."

When he stops crying, and all I can do is stand there and wait for him to stop, I give him her message.

I don't even have to add my own before he breaks and tells me he's already asked for Dr. Aurelius to come and evaluate him.

It takes some of the blunder away from my anger, but it makes me happy.

I tell him I'll stay in District Two until something firm is settled. I owe my brother, and myself, that.


	4. Tea Makes Everything Better

**Chapter Four: Tea Makes Everything Better**

Annie Cresta arrives at Enobaria's house the next morning. I know Annie better than any of the victors besides Katniss, and sort of now Peeta. When Finnick left District Thirteen with Katniss and her squad, Annie moved in to our compartment.

Some people thought it was odd, sure, but she'd been assigned to work in the laundry with my mom and I think she needed to have an older woman to let take care of her. And my mom is happier when she's got people to take care of, so she took care of Annie. It distracted her from Gale being away with Finnick, I think.

The sound of Annie screaming when she found out Finnick was dead still haunts me.

She stayed with us until President Coin ordered her, Johanna, Beetee, and Haymitch to join Katniss, Peeta, and Enobaria in the Capitol.

Enobaria takes one look at the baby in Annie's arms and disappeared to a place neither me nor Finnick Odair's widow could even begin to guess. That she is not a baby person is obvious.

"Have you seen Johanna?" Annie asks me as she bounces the baby – who I know is named Jack because that is the name of an ordinary sailor, what his father wanted to be – she had told us.

I nod and swallow a mouthful of bread, kind of missing Peeta's bread more than I should. "Is that why you came to Two?"

"Yes. She called and told me what happened so I came."

"I can take you there, if you want," I offer, wondering if she'll even stay in the house since Enobaria fled so quickly. "Watch the baby while you see her."

"You don't need to see your brother?" she asks, seeming a little less shy and nervous than she did back in District Thirteen. "It's okay if you're busy."

I shake my head, almost wanting to ask if she doesn't hate me because of my brother and what he did. "No, I don't think I'm allowed to be there all the time and he asked me to check on Johanna."

Annie smiles more at her son than at me. "It's perfect then. We'll go places together. I don't like going places alone and I don't think Enobaria likes Jack very much."

I reach out and wipe a dribble of drool off his chin. "Well, I like him just fine. Ready to go now?"

She is, so we bundle up and leave. Even though the streets between the Victor's Village and the hospital are noisy and busy, Annie never covers her ears or gets lost in her mind. Maybe it is like my mom predicted, maybe she is stronger because she's a mother now.

Once we arrive at the hospital, I take Jack while Annie goes into Johanna's room. He doesn't fuss much, as five month old babies go. Posy fussed three times as much in half the time. And I like babies, even if my sister was annoying. Still is annoying. Me and Jack pass the time looking at a decorative fish tank that probably once held more fish than it does now. Then I sit alone while Annie takes him in for Johanna to see. I'd go in too, but I'm not quite ready yet. I don't want to risk making promises Gale can't keep and I told Annie to tell her he promised to get help from Dr. Aurelius.

"There you are!" It's the woman who loves me because I'm Katniss' cousin, running down the hall toward me. "I've got a message for you, dearie. Commander Trilby needs to speak to you at the jail where your brother is just as soon as you can get over there. Alright, dearie?"

This can't be good. I assure her the message is received and understood, but that I can't go until Annie comes out of Johanna's room.

"We can go now," she says, making me jump as she appears behind me. "I'll come with you, Rory, just like we talked about earlier."

On the walk to the jail, she tells me that Commander Trilby is Messalina Trilby, who was the rebel commander in District Four and has been reassigned to District Two until a mayor is elected. She doesn't know why Commander Trilby needs to speak to me so urgently but she assures me the woman is kind and understanding, so I shouldn't worry.

Easy for her to say.

Fabian greets me again at the jail, and I wonder if he ever gets a day off, and takes me and Annie to the basement of the building where some obviously makeshift offices have been set up. A woman about Annie's age with curly red hair falling out of a bun greets us at the door, hugging Annie briefly and cooing at Jack before she shakes my hand. "I'm Commander Trilby. You're Gale Hawthorne's brother?"

"Rory Hawthorne." I could just be Gale's brother, and she could figure out my name, but I'd rather make sure I am my own man.

"Right, follow me." She walks into the office and sits down on one side of the table, leaving two seats for me and Annie. It all looks very official once we're in our places, save for Jack's gurgling. "Alright, Mr. Hawthorne, I've received instructions from President Paylor on how to handle your brother's case. Are you prepared to represent and speak for him, should the case require it?"

That's a question I didn't expect. I try to seem like my own man again and clear my throat. "Does it matter that I'm only fifteen?"

She shakes her head. "No. By the laws currently in place in Panem, citizens old enough to have had their names in Reaping Balls the last time Reaping Ceremonies were held - so just a year ago - are considered fully adults and able to speak as such."

"Oh. Yeah, I mean yes. I'll speak for him if the case requires it." I feel weird saying it but I feel better for having said it. "Does the case require it?"

"It does," she says more quickly than I expect. "I'm sure you know your brother has requested Dr. Aurelius' assistance? Dr. Aurelius has informed President Paylor that your brother is suffering from severe PTSD and it is that which led to the incident in which Johanna Mason was injured. The president has been told that your brother has agreed to any treatment the medical community sees fit. Given that and the fact that Johanna Mason is refusing to press charges for what she calls a complete accident, President Paylor has requested that someone from your brother's family sign him over to Dr. Aurelius' care in the Capitol for at least three weeks."

I glance at Annie and focus on Commander Trilby again. "Just three weeks?"

She nods and looks at the papers on the desk. "Yes. Dr. Aurelius feels that in three weeks' time your brother will be able to make further decisions for himself."

There's a question that seems wrong to ask but I can't not ask it. "Is he going to be sentenced to jail time?"

Leaning back in her chair, she seems to be satisfied with how everything will go. "No. Without Johanna Mason being willing to press charges, there's not all that much we can do - especially given her status as a living victor. Gale will be stripped of the job he currently holds as Undersecretary of Resource Management for Districts Two, Four, and Six and he won't be able to hold another government job for at least three years. Aside from that and his voluntary treatment - which could turn in to jail time if he refuses it - with Dr. Aurelius, that's all."

It seems like a lot for it being _all _but it's enough. It's what it sounds like Gale and Johanna both want.

So I sign my brother over to Dr. Aurelius' care. I sign papers saying he can come live with us again in District Twelve when he's released, and that I'll be responsible for him if that's deemed necessary. I sign papers saying I understand all the other papers I just signed.

By the end of it all, I have a headache.

Annie suggests a cup of tea from a stall we passed on the way to the jail and I agree without a second thought. Tea makes everything better.


	5. That's What Brothers Do

**Chapter Five: That's What Brothers Do**

I man up and call my mother the next morning.

She listens without interrupting as I tell her what I agreed to with Commander Trilby, Dr. Aurelius, and President Paylor. Given the way she doesn't question me, maybe she thinks I've grown up too.

"Have you talked to him about what he'll do after he finishes treatment with Dr. Aurelius?" she asks.

"No. He has to come back to Twelve though, at least for a little while," I tell her, idly wondering if Enobaria is eavesdropping from the kitchen while I use the phone in the office or if Annie's distracting her. "I talked to Dr. Aurelius on the phone this morning. He says a lot of Gale's issues have to do with avoiding what happened in Twelve, avoiding Katniss, and avoiding his family. Apparently once he sobers up, he'll at least have to come home and face it - and Dr. Aurelius said he'll come with him at first."

She's quiet for a long time and then she sighs. "Alright, so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Are you going to the Capitol with him?"

She's not giving permission or asking if I want to go. She's asking if I've decided, for myself, if I'm going to the Capitol or if I'm coming home. It's weird.

I shake my head and force myself to come up with the answer. "No, I can't. Dr. Aurelius said there will be a time when he'll incorporate Gale's family into his recovery and he'll let us know when that is." I hear Posy saying something in the background and I realize I miss the little pest. "Is Vick better yet, Mom? Did Posy come down with bronchitis too?"

"Vick is much better, yes, and Posy never did more than cough. She spent the last few days at Katniss' house and I think Katniss was following the medicine recipes in her mother's book and using Posy as a guinea pig."

I hear my sister shout that she was a willing guinea pig, especially since she's all better now and never got sick in the first place.

My mom shushes her and I hear Posy run away. "So what will you do, Rory? Will you come home now?"

I lean forward, putting one elbow on the desk and run my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, I will but I wanted to talk to you about something first. Did Haymitch tell you Johanna's pregnant?"

Her breath hitches but she says he did.

"She doesn't have anybody, Mom," I tell her then. "She told me she's keeping the baby but she doesn't know where she'll go. Annie says she doesn't have any family left, or friends really, in Seven. And I think she does love Gale so I was thinking maybe..."

"Do you think she'd come here?" she interrupts. "Are you going to ask her?"

"Yeah, I think so. Ask Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch first for me, will you? Maybe they should invite her too, don't you think?"

"I do. I'll talk to them." I think she's ready to hang up but then she clears her throat. "How is Annie? You should tell her that she's welcome to come and visit with the baby any time she wants."

I can't help but laugh. I expected her to say that, since she's been wondering about the baby since we got back to Twelve and Annie went to Four. I apologize for laughing and promise to pass that message to Annie. I tell her I love her and I'll let her know when I'm leaving, then I hang up.

"What message?" Annie says when I step into the hallway. "I wasn't really eavesdropping. I only overheard the last bit."

I grin to show her I don't care, and she smiles in return. "The message is that my mom wants you to bring Jack to Twelve for a visit. She said you can stay with us if you want."

She looks nervous and shifts Jack to her other hip. "Really? Well," she sighs and chews her bottom lip, "well, I suppose if Johanna goes with you I could to be there for her too."

I know she's not going to jump in to anything so I bump my finger against Jack's chin. "Yeah, that'd be good. Just come see us, just for a change of scenery. I'm sure Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch want to meet the baby."

"And she's not allowed to leave Twelve," she says thoughtfully before nodding. "Alright, I'll come with you if Johanna does and I think she should go with you, so I'll help you convince her."

That was probably one of the best things about the deal, having someone help me convince Johanna to do something she might not otherwise be willing to do.

With it agreed on, we leave for the hospital. The doctors had said Johanna wouldn't have to stay long if she had someone to help her at first and Annie and I, Enobaria even, are concerned she might try and get out of the hospital on her own and disappear on us.

Annie does most of the talking when we get there, carefully crafting the "you should go to District Twelve" argument so that it sounds like she's asking Johanna to go to Twelve mainly to help her and to help Jack. I stand by and wonder if she's using things Finnick told her about how to deal Johanna, and that's especially true when Johanna shocks me and readily agrees to come home with me. She insists it has mostly to do with helping Annie, and I pretend to believe her.

She looks relieved when I lay out the plan for Gale. I leave her with the two victors to talk about victors things and head to the jail to see Gale before he's transported to the Capitol for treatment.

Fabian really never has a day off because it's him that greets me again. "He cleaned himself up," he says as we walk to Gale's cell. "Maybe that means good things."

I hope he's right and I go inside. Fabian, to his credit, is either confident enough or lazy enough that he leaves the door open and trusts me and Gale completely. I tell my brother that I'm staying in Two until Johanna is discharged and that she's are going back Twelve with me.

He rubs his hand over his face and sighs. "Good. I'm glad she's going with you. She needs help. I was trying to help her, but then I got too stupid."

At least he's aware of that. "Is there anything she needs help with that she might not ask us for? Anything we should know about helping her?"

"She's still afraid of water. She won't shower or take a bath alone." He shrugs his shoulders and slumps back against the wall. "I don't know what else. Nightmares and terrors. I suppose all victors have them. Not that I ever really knew what to do about them."

"It's okay. She's going to Twelve," I remind him. "Haymitch is there and Annie's coming with us. She won't be alone and she won't have just me and Mom, and Posy to bug her."

He smiles a little at the mention of Posy. "Thank you, Rory. I should've said that the first day you were here. I should've said it a long time ago."

I sit down on the floor beside his mattress, doing something besides being above him, literally and figuratively, for the first time since I got to Two. "You don't have to thank me for anything. We'll call each other even. You know, for keeping me alive after Dad died?"

He closes his eyes and leans back. "Fair enough. Am I allowed to apologize?"

"For the bomb that killed Prim? No." I glance at him and see it was what he meant. "It was war, Gale. I hate that she's dead but it's not your fault. Any other apologies have to wait until you figure things out with Dr. Aurelius. Understand?"

His laugh his hollow but I get it. "Yes, sir," he says solemnly. "Take care of Johanna for me?"

"Get better in the Capitol?" I'm saying yes but I need a promise of something from him too.

He nods.

I hug him, because I'm his brother and that's what brothers do. No matter what.


	6. A Lot of Maybes

**Chapter Six: A Lot of Maybes**

Jack Odair is an excellent traveling companion. He's quiet, he doesn't fuss, I can just pick him up and carry him, and he doesn't seem to be slightly mad. My other two traveling companions are none of those things. Johanna and Annie aren't really noisy but they're both fussing and I can't pick either of them up to carry them. Annie won't be able to carry him off the train, given that she doesn't seem inclined to uncover her ears, so I drape the sling over my own body and tuck him into it as the train pulls into the station. I'll have one hand free to help Johanna and Annie will just have to follow me.

Thankfully, my mom and Haymitch are at the station to meet us.

Not so thankfully, they seem to get a bit mixed up about whom to go to.

Annie comes around enough to go to my mom, just like I figured she would, and Johanna goes to Haymitch, just like I figured she would.

Jack sighs against my chest, doing just what I'm thinking.

Happily, Haymitch borrowed Thom's cart so our bags and Johanna can ride.

"How's Gale?" my mom asks me as we walk toward the Victor's Village.

"Better, I think. He seems really committed to fixing himself now that he's got another chance at stuff."

She accepts that as my answer and peeks under the scarf I have over the baby's face. "He's so handsome, Annie," she says, squeezing Annie's hand - which the District Four victor has firmly clasped around her own. "He looks just perfect."

She smiles in return and holds out both hands for her son. I knew my mom could make her relax a little bit but even I didn't think it would happen this fast.

I leave the three of them together and walk beside the cart. "You okay, Johanna?"

With a scowl, she blows her spiky bangs off her forehead. "I could've walked."

"But it's better that you didn't." It really is. She looked tired just getting from the hospital to the train back in Two and a stressful train ride didn't help things much at all. No way am I going to let her hurt herself after I take her home to take care of her. There's a doctor at a clinic, which is really a room in the back of the half-built new Justice Building, in Twelve now but that pales in comparison to what she might need. "Just relax and you can sleep for a long time in just a few minutes."

"You going to stay with the Hawthornes?" Haymitch asks her. "You can stay with me if you want."

She gives him a curious look as he pushes the cart. "You don't stay with Katniss or Peeta?"

"They stay together most of the time. I spend a lot of time with them but I have my house. They said you could stay in either of their houses too."

She looks at me with wide eyes and I can tell she's overwhelmed by the choices. So I answer for her. "I said I was bringing her here so I could look after her for Gale. She's staying with me."

Johanna looks relieved and Haymitch nods, hiding his smirk. "Alright then," he says, avoiding my eyes and looking down at her. "My door is always open. You know that."

"Thanks, Haymitch," she sighs, finally letting herself look tired. "I should've come here sooner."

He shakes his head. "Nah. You came when you needed to. It's good enough."

We're all mostly quiet until we get to the Victor's Village. Vick and Posy are waiting by the fountain for us. He greets me with a nod, because he's all about being grown up now, and Posy throws herself at me. I'd be annoyed if it didn't make Johanna laugh.

She loses interest in me fast, though, once she sees Annie. They spent hours together back in Thirteen and I don't think it surprises any of us that she hugs Annie just as tight as she did me. Then, being Posy, she jumps up and down until Annie lets her see Jack.

"Haymitch can be less annoying than Posy," I tell Johanna, "so I suppose you might want to think about staying with him."

"That silence is the sound of me laughing, boy," he mutters as we reach my house. "Katniss and Peeta are inside. They're making supper for you all."

He, my mom, and Peeta - who hurries out of the kitchen when he hears Annie and Johanna - can get them settled. And Vick can keep Posy from damaging the baby too badly. So I do the only thing that needs to be done - I go into the kitchen to find Katniss.

We've talked about Gale some, mostly related to Prim and whether or not we blame him for her being dead. We don't blame him and I do want him to come home. It's probably a good thing that he won't be for a little while yet because I don't think Katniss is quite there. For her, it's more than Prim. She told me stories about how he wanted to blow up The Nut no matter how many lives were lost and about how he designed weapons to kill as many people as possible. It's horrible to hear but it was war. She knows that. She's just not ready to sweep it all under the rug and not fear she'll trip over it and seriously hurt herself.

"How much did Haymitch tell you?" I ask when she just stares at me.

"Everything, I think. Or at least parts of everything." She smiles sadly, knowing that everyone is keeping things from her - for her own good, they say.

I don't agree with them, so I tell her everything.

She exhales when I finish and leans against the counter, absently stirring something in a pot on the stove. "Maybe Dr. Aurelius will stop bothering me for a little while," she says with a wry smile. "He didn't say anything about me? Gale, I mean?"

I shake my head. "No. I think maybe he's afraid to think about you. Johanna said he's talked about you to her and Enobaria said it too, but he didn't say anything to me."

Staring intently into the pot, she sighs. "I think I'm afraid to think about him too."

I wash my hands and get the bowls out of the cupboard. "It's okay, Katniss," I tell her for the dozenth time - because we talk about this all the time in the woods. "You're only eighteen. Gale's twenty. There are a lot of years for you two to find your way back into friendship. If that's what you want."

She doesn't answer, but I know it's what she wants. She's all but told me so a few times. The friendship they had is something they both need. They have to figure out how to fix it. They have to.

Maybe it'll be easier when Katniss and Peeta let themselves love each other. Maybe it'll be easier because Gale loves Johanna. Maybe they can be friends when they are four instead of three. Maybe what Johanna and Peeta experienced as prisoners will help heal the bonds between my brother and his best friend.

It's a lot of maybes but I have to believe in them.

We didn't fight and win a war, by losing people we loved, just to go on miserably in our miserable little lives. At least I hope not.

"Rory?" Katniss says, and it's clear it's not the first time she said my name. "Are you okay?"

I shake it off and nod. "Yep, fine." I notice the bowls full of stew and plates with bread on them on the table and pick up a pair. "I'll start carrying this out to people, okay?"

The look on her face says that's just what she'd been asking me to do.

I smirk sheepishly and deliver a bowl of stew and a plate of bread to Johanna first, setting it on the tray Peeta's just finished setting up in front of her. "Eat and then you can sleep," I tell her.

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, boss."

I don't care that she called me that. She'll just have to get used to having a family around to tell her what to do.


	7. You Know I'm Nuts

**Note: **Since this story is about _**family**_, there's a perspective change here. Rory is no longer your narrator (I hope you liked him). Now say "hello" to Hazelle Hawthorne for the next few chapters!

* * *

**Chapter Seven: You Know I'm Nuts**

"Mrs. Hawthorne!"

I jump when someone cries out in the night. None of my children would call me Mrs. Hawthorne and Annie took the baby to sleep at Peeta's for the night. That leaves Johanna.

I pull on my robe and hurry into the room we've given her. "What's wrong, honey?" I ask when I see the slightly terrified look on her face and the way she's got her hands on her stomach.

"It feels weird," she declares. "Or it felt weird, I mean."

Given how far along she is in her pregnancy, I think I know what she means. "May I?" I ask, gesturing toward the bed.

She nods and chews her bottom lip while I sit on the edge of the bed and put my hand on her stomach. "There!" she yelps. "Did you feel that?"

"I did, Johanna, and it's nothing to worry about." It's hard to say it without tears in my eyes, and I don't think she would understand or appreciate tears right now. "The baby moved, that's all."

She looks skeptical. "It's supposed to do that?"

"Mm-hmm. Babies do that. It's perfectly normal."

She still seems skeptical but I know the tension eases when I see her shoulders slump a little. She doesn't look relieved, though. She looks terrified.

I twist my hands in my lap because I don't know what else to do with them. "You're going to be a wonderful mother, Johanna. I know you're worried now but all first time mothers are. You'll be fine."

With one arm still in a sling, she yanks the blankets up higher on her body with one hand. "No offense, but you're wrong. Very, very wrong."

I talked to Annie more in District Thirteen but I know enough about Johanna, I've learned enough in the five days she's been in my home, that I know better than to take offense at anything she says. "How am I wrong? Tell me why you don't have faith in yourself."

She rolls her eyes and taps her hand to her stomach twice before stuffing it behind her head as though she doesn't know quite what to do with it - and maybe she doesn't. "I don't know. Maybe because my mother died giving birth to me and I was raised by my grandfather who, when I had my first period, sent me to the prostitute he liked best and had her explain it to me. Little did I know then but it turned out I was actually a girl!

"Maybe because the three people I let myself love, really love, before I met Gale were murdered by Snow.

"Maybe because I'm so terrified of what that the only times I've taken a real bath since before the Quarter Quell is when Gale's been in the water with me. How am I supposed to give a baby a bath?"

I stop her before she can say more. I don't want to see her torture herself any more than she already does. "You're supposed to do it with help, Johanna," I say softly so she'll focus on my words. "All of that, all of the things you're worried about, they can be easier if you let people help you. Like you let Gale help you take a bath. You can do that, can't you?"

Her shrug is a noncommittal answer and I can see it hurt her shoulder.

I reach out and peel the blankets from her body. What I'm about do is probably risky but I know deep down in my mother's heart that she needs me to do it. "Come on," I tell her, tugging gently on her injured hand. "Get up."

"It's the middle of the night," she argues even as she does as she's told. "I'm sorry I woke you up. You should go back to bed."

I don't let go of her hand and she follows me into the bathroom. "I'm not going back to bed until you're settled. I won't leave you to suffer in silence when I think maybe I can help you."

She eyes me warily as I sit her on the toilet and turn the taps on in the bathtub. "But you don't have to help me," she says, never taking her attention away from the tub.

"No, I don't." I splash my fingers in the hot water, still amazed by how hot it can be and how quickly I can have a tub full of water. It's a little too hot but I imagine by the time I convince her to get in, it'll have cooled enough. "I want to help you. Will you let me help you?"

She answers me with a single nod. "But you know I'm nuts, right?" she adds as an afterthought.

I can see it's time to use my _mother _voice. "Johanna Mason, you are never to say that in my house. Never. Do you understand me?"

She drops her eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good," I say just as the bathroom door is pushed open a crack. My daughter pokes her head in and looks around. "Posy? Why are you out of bed?"

"I have to go to the bathroom, Mommy," she says, her gray eyes going wide when she notices Johanna. "Is Johanna sick, Mommy?"

"I'm not sick," Johanna answers for herself as she gets off the toilet and waves Posy inside. "Your mother was just going to help me take a bath."

We adults look in different directions while Posy pees and then, after she flushes, she yawns loudly. "But you didn't put any bubbles in the bath. Baths are much better with the bubbles Octavia sent me. Do you want to use my bubbles?"

Putting bubbles in the bath would be an ideal way to make the water different and maybe more acceptable to Johanna. Having Posy, who weaseled her way out of baths the last two days, take a bath with her would also be a way to maybe make things easier. I don't know just how to suggest either of those ideas, though, so I keep quiet and hope Johanna figures it out for herself. It would be asking for help if she did.

"Are your bubbles soap?" Johanna asks as Posy washes her hands at the sink. "Because I think I need to take a bath with soap."

My daughter nods eagerly. "Yep. They're soapy bubbles. Octavia says she only likes soapy bubbles because you have to take two baths if your bubbles aren't soapy. And nobody wants to take two baths in a row."

"Definitely not," she agrees, chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Do you need a soapy bubble bath too? Unless your mother says you have to go right back to bed."

"Can I take a bath with Johanna, Mommy?" Posy begs, spinning to face me. "Puh-leaze!"

"Get your bubbles," I tell her as she disappears out the door to do just that. I look carefully at Johanna and reach out to squeeze her hand. "She's never this excited about a bath, but I'll send her back to bed if you're not sure about this."

She tries very hard to look sure. "I know you wouldn't put your daughter in water that could be dangerous," she says, trying very hard to sound confident, "so I am sure about it. Really, it's the way Gale got me into water - by putting himself in too."

"I taught him well, in that case," I say as Posy rushes back into the bathroom clutching her bottle of bubbles. I crouch in front of her and put my hands on her bouncing shoulders. "Now, Posy, you know Johanna's afraid of water, right? You're going to be calm and quiet and patient, aren't you?"

She nods solemnly as she strips out of her pajamas. "Yes, Mommy, I will." Naked in the blink of an eye, she turns and climbs into the bathtub. "Come on, Johanna. Watch me. I'll get in first and show you there ain't nothing to be scared of."

Johanna laughs shakily when I correct my daughter's grammar but I notice that she doesn't take her eyes of Posy. She stands sill and watches until I pour the bubbles into the water and swirl it so everything is very foamy and flowery smelling. Then she takes a deep breath and steps over the side of the tub, letting me hold her for balance.


	8. Still My Baby Boy

**Chapter Eight: Still My Baby Boy**

Two days later, and a week after her arrival in District Twelve, Johanna seems to be settled and on her way to making a full recovery from the injuries she got when Gale pushed her off the balcony. I still haven't talked to her about that, and maybe it's up to her to bring it up to me, but she's started showing more of an interest in the word around her. Maybe Posy's bubbles from Octavia were some sort of magic.

"It's Katniss still nuts or is she avoiding me by choice?" she asks as she sits at the kitchen table, one arm still in a sling, and helps Posy shell peas for soup while I chop vegetables.

"Her and Peeta are only nuts some days," Posy offers before I can say a word. "Some days Katniss just sits and stares at the wall. Some days Peeta stays locked in his house with only Haymitch. But then some days Katniss helps me plant my garden and some days I make cookies with Peeta."

"She pretty much covered how they are," I tell Johanna. "I think right now they're just giving you space to adjust and recover. At least that's how Haymitch said it. Would you like to see them?"

She chews on a pea pod for a long minute and nods. "Yes. I would. If they're not avoiding me by choice."

Rory drops a bag of winter berries on the table and puts his gloves back on, having just come home from a day in the woods. "I just left Katniss at her house. I'll go tell her and Peeta to come over for supper."

Johanna watches him leave again and shakes her head. "You Hawthornes really don't give a person the chance to change their mind or second guess anything, do you?"

"Life's too short for that," I say. I put the lid on the pot of chicken and leave it to simmer. "If we spend all our time making the same decision over and over, how will we ever live for the moment?"

"You sound like my grandfather," she says, still chewing on the pod. "Whenever I wasn't sure about something he always said the same thing - G_o with your gut, girl. Be stupid not to listen to what your body says first. Don't be stupid._"

I can't help but appreciate his blunt logic. "We all forget that advice sometimes, Johanna. It sounds like Gale forgot it completely over the last year and no one could blame you for forgetting it a little after what you've been through. All you need is a family that cares about you to remind you of that lesson."

"And loves you," Posy pipes up, leaning her head against Johanna's arm. "Don't forget you need a family that loves you, Mommy."

"That's right, sweetie, you need a family that cares about you and loves you."

Johanna smiles sadly and bumps against Posy. "You're lucky to have that, Posy."

My daughter makes me swell with pride when she twists on her chair and fixes Johanna with a curious, intense look. I know what she's going to say long before she figures it out and I love her for it.

"But Johanna," she begins slowly with the deep seriousness of someone far older than her six years, "but Johanna, I know I'm lucky but you're lucky too. You have us now. And we love you."

I'm proud of Posy but I don't know how Johanna will react to this. I know she's not used to having people care about her, much less love her. I'm not worried so much about Posy, she's strong and she'll recover if she gets pushed away. I'm worried about Johanna.

"Why?" When Posy just looks at her, she elaborates on her question. "Why do I have you now? Why do you love me?"

My daughter doesn't flinch at the question many adults would have wavered under. Maybe it's her child's mind that makes her brave enough to simply square her shoulders and give Johanna her answer.

"I don't know about Mommy and Rory and Vick and Gale but I know why you have me and why I love you." She stands up on her chair and sits on the edge of the table so she can look her in the eye. "When you were in the arena with Katniss, you said there was nobody left you loved. That made me sad. Then when you came to District Thirteen, you didn't really have anybody. That made me sad. I have extra love to give so I'm giving it to you. You need it."

There are tears streaming down Johanna's face. She's so focused on my daughter - the daughter I will never be as proud of as I am in this moment - that she didn't see Peeta and Katniss come into the room with Rory as Posy gave her answer.

"She's right, Johanna," Peeta says in a voice that breaks once as he stands across the table from her. "And when Mrs. Hawthorne talks about family, she doesn't just mean her children. I don't have any family left, none that I'm connected to by blood, and the family I had wasn't the best. The Hawthornes don't owe me anything but I wouldn't be here, like I am, today if it weren't for them caring about me and loving me too."

She blinks away her tears and stares at him. "So it's just what they do?"

"It's just what they do," he repeats, smiling shyly in my direction. "It's best just to let them. You won't be sorry. But you've got to think of me as family too, okay? Remember the promise you, me, and Annie made to each other in the cells?"

"To pick each other up when we fall, even after we got out of the cells."

He smiles and nods. "Exactly. You literally fell, but the promise stands. It's why Annie came here and it's why I'm going to be whatever you need me to be."

Johanna shakes her head, finally seeming to go back to her argumentative nature. "Annie didn't come here just for me."

It doesn't bother Peeta. "Maybe not," he says as if it really doesn't matter - and I hope he does believe that it doesn't matter. "Maybe she came because she figuratively fell when she went home to District Four. You have to get better so you can help her back. You promised."

She scowls but seems to accept it. Wrapping her free arm around Posy, she rolls her eyes at him. "I'll help her and let her help me. But Posy made a much more heartfelt argument. It was better than yours."

No one laughs until Peeta does, and then we all laugh at his answer - that not everyone can be a cute six year old girl.

I know Posy has no idea why she's laughing with us, but she does and it makes us all laugh hard enough that Haymitch, when he arrives moments later with Annie and the baby, gives us all a look that suggests he's worried for our sanity. He doesn't say anything, though, and just drops two loaves of Peeta's bread on the table and announces he's staying for supper.

Later, after everyone's eaten and is sitting around the fire talking quietly, I find my mind wandering from listening to anyone else. Posy's asleep on my lap and her deep breathing is lulling me into another world. It's mostly concerned with Gale. As happy and hopeful as the house feels right now, I can't deny that something is missing. It's a part of me I know I will never feel whole without.

The sooner he gets to come home, no matter how hard it is for him, the better it will be for all of us. Even him. I hope he won't hate it too much. I hope he'll be able to realize what I think Johanna is starting to realize - that it's okay to be imperfect and there's nothing wrong with asking for help from the people who care for you and love you.

Gale's stubborn, though, and he's his own man.

But he's still my baby boy and I just want to hold him in my arms again.


	9. I Love You, Gale

**Chapter Nine: I Love You, Gale**

There is a smeared face print on the window of the train. Posy has left her mark as she stares out at the Capitol. I feel like I should stop her but I'm more mesmerized by the grandeur and the colors of the place than I'd like to admit.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," Haymitch says from the seat beside me. "Pretty window dressing on a crappy world."

"You're jaded, Haymitch," I tell him. "There has to be some good in everything or life isn't worth living."

He raises an eyebrow but doesn't argue.

I don't say more because I'm just relieved he came with me and Posy, who I wish had stayed home. Never having been to the Capitol, I didn't want to go alone when Dr. Aurelius called and asked me to come to help with Gale's recovery. I would have come alone, but I didn't want to. It was Dr. Aurelius suggesting that Katniss and Peeta should be given a chance to think and act fully for themselves without their mentor to do for them that convinced him to get away. We'd worked it out, though, that Rory was officially in charge of my house and the victors in Twelve. Annie would help him, and she promised to deal with anything related to the Hunger Games. Neither Katniss, Peeta, nor Johanna knew any of this. Only Rory, Vick, and Annie. It is best this way. I hope.

Apparently not trusting me totally, Posy scrambles up Haymitch's leg and sits on his hip when we step off the train and into the crush of people - people I notice haven't fully given up their garish clothes and accessories. Haymitch grips my hand with his free one and leads me to a waiting car. "Aurelius arranged for a car. We'll go there first and then settle into the hotel later. And yes, Hazelle, I'll watch the devil with blue dress on while you see Gale."

Sitting on his lap, Posy glances at herself and giggles when she sees him tapping the blue fabric of her dress. "I'm not a devil all the time, Haymitch," she says with another giggle. "Besides, life'd be boring if I was a good girl all the time."

He laughs and nods his head once. "That's very true, cupcake, very true." He bends and deposits her on the seat of the car, tickling her ribs until she scoots to the middle, then he turns to me. "Get in here, I'll go around to the other side and we'll be off."

Being off means being driven through the streets at what, for someone in their forties who has never ridden in a car, i.e. me, is a frightening speed. Posy is thrilled by the way the driver dodges pedestrians and almost goes up on the sidewalk a time or two, but she's young so I chalk it up to that.

We arrive at building that had clearly been damaged by the war, given the muted tones of the outer shell of the building. Posy stays with Haymitch, on his hip again, as we walk inside and he spoke to the aqua haired woman sitting behind the desk just inside the guarded doors.

"He's on the eighth floor," he says, turning to me and gesturing toward the elevators. "There's a café up there. I'll take you to Dr. Aurelius and he'll take you to Gale, or do something with you, and me and the little devil will go find something to eat. Right, cupcake?"

"That's right, cookie," Posy chirps impishly. "Maybe there'll be cookies. But I can come with you, Mommy, if I'm supposed to."

I kiss her cheek and step onto the elevator. "No, I think I should see the doctor first. I'll come and get you if I need you. How's that?"

"Perfect. Bye, Mommy!" She hops off Haymitch's hip when the doors slide open on the eight floor and tugs on his hand. "Come on, I need a cookie."

He points me in the direction of Dr. Aurelius, who's just come to meet me, and lets himself be dragged away by a tiny girl it's becoming more and more clear he adores.

"Hello, Mrs. Hawthorne," the doctor, as drab as the building seems in the bright world of the Capitol, "I'm Dr. Aurelius. Thank you for coming so quickly."

"Anything for my son," I say, relieved to be able to say something with absolute lack of doubt as I shake his hand. "Is he alright?"

He puts his hand on my elbow and leads me in the opposite direction of Posy and Haymitch. "He is. He's very committed to recovering as best he can and rebuilding his life. I realize it's only been about two weeks, but I can it already. That's why I asked you to come now, a little earlier than I first thought I would. You see, I don't want to proceed to the next step of his treatment without having him, forcing him to, face issues having to do with his family."

We stop in front of an office door and I speak my worry. "He has issues with his family?"

He shakes his head and squeezes my elbow, guiding me inside a sparsely furnished office and to a chair by the window before he takes the one across from me. "There's no reason to be alarmed, Mrs. Hawthorne. The issues with his family are not anything that anyone did wrong nor are they things that we can't work through. I promise you that. Alright?"

"Alright." I glance around the room and try to relax. "How do I help my son?"

He signals for me to wait and he leaves the office. It makes me worry, but I keep myself in check by remembering that I'm probably very close to being reunited with my son for the first time in over a year. And I don't have too much time to worry because Dr. Aurelius returns minutes later. Gale follows him into the room. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and I don't really care what I'm supposed to do. All I want to do is hug my son. I don't know if that's what he wants or needs, though, so I hold back.

"Mom?"

When I hear the pain in his voice, I stop holding myself back. I'm hugging him, holding him more tightly than I have since he was a small boy, in the blink of an eye.

He's sobbing on my shoulder when Dr. Aurelius gently nudges us back toward the chairs by the windows. I pass the chairs by and take my son to a small sofa. I'm not letting go of him and we can't both sit in the same chair. Dr. Aurelius will just have to adjust his plans.

He leaves us alone for a little while, and then clears his throat as he pulls a chair up to us.

It's time to get to work.

Gale apologizes for getting shirt wet, and I think he's a little embarrassed to have cried like that in front of me, so I hug him tight again and kiss his temple. "I love you, Gale," I whisper in his ear.

He starts crying again, just not as hard, and wipes his face on the cuff of his sleeve. "You didn't tell me she was coming," he says to Dr. Aurelius.

"You would have told me you weren't ready to see her," he says, not even flinching at the accusation. "In fact, you did tell me that. My asking her to come and her coming, and bringing your sister, is a part of you giving up some control and letting others take care of you. We talked about that, remember?"

He nods and wipes his eyes again. "Can I ask her a question?"

The doctor shrugs. "I don't know, Gale. Can you?"

He rolls his eyes, and I see a flash of my headstrong son, and turns to me. "How's Johanna?"

"She's good, really good," I tell him in complete honesty. "She's almost totally recovered from her fall and the baby is fine. She's connecting with Annie, Katniss, and Peeta. They're all helping each other."

"What about," he pauses and takes a deep breath, "what about water?"

Finally, something I know will make him smile. "When Posy heard she was afraid of water unless someone was in it with her, she offered to share her bubble bath. So your sister's taken more baths than normal and Johanna's doing good with it."

His smile at the thought of it gives me hope for tomorrow.


	10. Life of a Family

**Chapter Ten: LIFE OF A FAMILY**

"Mommy, look!" Posy squeals, pointing straight ahead. "Do you see that, Mommy?"

The giraffe, as the sign in front of me says, is hard to miss. That a creature so beautiful and so rare survived through the nuclear wars, the Dark Days, and the seventy-five years of the Hunger Games gives me a bubbling sort of hope that we can all survive, even if the animals survived in a zoo where their sole purpose was to be looked at by Capitol citizens.

I'm almost as excited as Posy is that I get to see it.

And I'm thankful for suggesting it as a place for Gale to take me and Posy.

"Stop pulling on my ear or I'll put you down."

Gale's warning to his sister, happily perched on his shoulders so she can see over the other adults at the zoo, is warranted since she's using his ear to keep herself in place - when she remembers. And even then she's probably just using it to steer him where she wants to go. Luckily, he remembers much more often and has a strong grip on her legs. He accepts her apology and lets go of his ear.

"Are you okay?" I ask Gale as Posy gapes at the giraffe eating leaves off a tall tree. "Do you need to go back to Dr. Aurelius?"

He sighs but smiles. "I was going to tell you to stop worrying about me but you're my mother so I know that will never happen. It's also not fair for me say that so, long story short, I'm okay and I don't need to go back yet. Okay?"

I raise myself on my toes and kiss his cheek. "Okay. Posy? Do you want to look at more animals or should we go have lunch?"

"Aww, Gale! Don't make me leave the zoo!" she whines dramatically the moment the words are out of my mouth. She wraps her arms around his head and presses her cheek to his. "Please tell Mommy we don't have to go and eat! Please!"

He swings her down and around his body so she's settled on his hip. "Relax, little bug. There's a café right here at the zoo. Dr. Aurelius told me about it. We can watch the animals while we sit outside to eat our lunch. Unless you want to go back to my room or the place you're staying with Haymitch."

Her brown curls bounce wildly when she shakes her head in protest. "No way. We'll eat here. How come Haymitch didn't want to come to the zoo with us?"

Heading toward the café, I answer for him. "He wanted to let the three of us have some alone time as a family, Posy. I told you that this morning."

"I was too excited to pay attention, Mommy, I'm sorry," she says before turning her attention back to her brother. "Did you know Mommy and Haymitch were kissing?"

He coughs twice as my face flushes more than it has since I was a girl. "Mommy and Haymitch were what now?" he asks in a choked voice.

"Kissing," she says matter-of-factly. "K-i-s-s-i-n-g. I saw them. A bunch of times. Twice they caught me seeing them. Mommy turned redder than she is now."

I remember hearing that some pods meant to defend the Capitol during the war split the streets and opened to swallow up whoever happened to be walking over them. It's a horrible, horrible thought but I wouldn't mind the ground swallowing me up just now.

"Kissing. Hmm." Gale speeds up a little, to catch me since I'm walking much faster now, and walks backward in front of me. "Is this true, Mother? Were you, in fact, caught kissing Haymitch twice?"

I probably look like a citizen of the Capitol with skin dyed a vivid tomato color but I can't let a part of my family's healing be me attempting to lie to them. "Yes. I've kissed Haymitch. Yes, Posy caught us twice. I've got nothing to hide about it."

He smirks, and I realize he has almost the same teasing smirk his father had. "Of course not, Mother. Why would you want to hide that you've been kissing the grouchy, drunk victor from District Twelve?"

"Gale Hawthorne, I am your mother," I huff, because trying to sound angry seems easiest - although I'm not angry and I'm a bad actress, "so you can't tease me about kissing."

He and Posy exchange a look that makes me nervous. "Can't I? I think I can, don't you, Posy?"

"Yes, Gale, I think you can," she says, reminding me of how Haymitch calls her the devil with blue dress on. "Do you want to know how many times they didn't catch me seeing them kiss?"

I'm going to need therapy before my stay in the Capitol is over.

Mercifully, Gale shakes his head. "No, I think Mommy deserves some secrets from me. It's enough that I know she was kissing Haymitch. Probably."

"Posy kissed a boy," I blurt out, shamefully pulling the same stunt my daughter just did on me. "I saw it once and I certainly hope it only happened once."

Having reached the café, he deposits her on a chair and sits down across from her. "You kissed a boy, Posy? You're only five."

"Six!" she shouts indignantly. "And thank you for the boots and the coat for my birthday."

"You're welcome," he says with a smile I've missed more than I realized. "So you're only six and you kissed a boy. Who is this boy?"

She waits until we tell a waitress what we want for lunch, letting Gale order the Capitol food for us because even though things are much, much, much better in District Twelve Posy and I are still far out of our league. "This boy is Timmy," she says after the pink haired woman, who I'm sure my daughter now wants to copy, walks away. "His daddy died in the war and him and his mommy moved to District Twelve. And we kissed twice, Mommy. Once when Timmy got to District Twelve and once in District Thirteen."

I should have realized where this story would go sooner. It's my fault, entirely my fault, that it's come to where it has. I don't know who fully aware I was that the District Thirteen woman and her little boy were the widow and son of the commander of Gale's squad during the war, but I know now and I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want this day to be ruined.

Gale flinches, pales, and grimaces before he pulls himself together - and I know it's for Posy, and I'm so thankful Haymitch suggested bringing her along. "I knew Timmy's daddy in the war."

Posy's eyes go wide and I hope it'll help her to know Gale better and him to know himself better if she asks him about it. And she does. She asks if Timmy's father was nice and she asks how he died.

He tells her that Commander Boggs, Timmy's father, was one of the bravest, kindest men he'd ever known. He tells her Timmy's father died trying to make sure she and Timmy had a brighter future than he or Katniss ever could have dreamed of.

It's enough for a little girl and I see my son's relief when she simply declares that she could've guessed that, given how nice and brave and smart Timmy is.

Leaning toward her, Gale puts his lips to her ear and stage whispers one very important question. "Is he your boyfriend?"

She squeals in delight and claps her hand over her mouth. "Don't tell Mommy," she whispers back to him, " but we got married last month! Katniss performed the ceremony for us!"

Gale laughs outright.

I'm torn between laughing and crying.

Posy just wants her lunch so she can go back to looking at the animals.

This is how life, how the life of a family should be.


	11. We'll Make It Work

**Chapter Eleven: We'll Make It Work**

I feel as though I'm the patient as I sit on a slick leather chair in a sunny corner of Dr. Aurelius' office. Maybe it wouldn't be bad to be the patient. I have to fix my family. I know that much. We all survived the war, and I can't deny the relief I felt - relief that literally brought me to my knees - when I found out that Gale wasn't dead after all. None of escaped unscathed, though.

Maybe Posy did. It's hard to tell with someone so small.

Vick was my happy-go-lucky boy from the day he was born and he's not anymore. He's quieter and he thinks I don't hear him muffling screams with a pillow during the night. He was closest of any of us to town, having snuck out to play with his friends, when the firebombing started. None of his friends survived.

Rory was my quiet, studious boy. If you got to know him well, and if he let you know him well, you saw that as quiet as he is, he has a passionate soul. The light in him faded some after the firebombs fell. It dulled more in the strictly controlled world of District 13. It extinguished almost completely when Prim died. The hardest thing I ever saw him do before he mourned her was to pretend she was his cousin rather than the girl he loved.

And there's Gale, who couldn't even come home to let me try and help him.

"I'm a firm believer that there isn't anything better for a family than to be a family," Dr. Aurelius says, pulling me back into the moment. "I can guide anyone willing to be guided but the real work has to be done by the person and the best choice to help the person is a family. That you've already welcomed Johanna into your home and come here to help your son tells me that so long as Gale's willing to do the hard work, I don't have anything to worry about."

"He's my son. I'd give my life for him and come back to do it all over again."

He nods at my declaration and scribbles something on the pad on his knee. "Giving your life for him is, thankfully, not required at this point but I do understand what you mean. Now, do you have any concerns at all about taking Gale home to District Twelve with you? To your other children?"

I want to say no. I don't want to lie.

"Yes," I say, leaning forward when I realize I can just see Haymitch pushing Posy on an ornate swing in the park across the street. The doctor is waiting for me to elaborate, so I force myself to do it. "Yes, I do have some concerns. Mostly I'm concerned about screwing up. We'll all be walking on eggshells at first, I imagine, and I hope that'll let up in time. But how do I keep Gale from drinking? How do I keep him from thinking Rory or I or anyone else hates him for Primrose's death? How do I help him realize it's okay for him to be whoever he is now? With me, with his siblings, with Johanna?"

If he's as surprised as I am that all of my concerns center on my oldest son, the one who kept my family alive - literally - four almost five years, he doesn't say anything. He only settles back into his chair, obviously preparing for a long talk.

Over the next two hours, I listen as he tells me what signs to watch for in terms of Gale falling back, or further since it really hasn't been too long, into drinking. I promise not to force the issues of Prim's death or the deaths of the others from District 12 that my son blames himself for - something I guessed and the doctor sort of confirmed. And then I apparently make it clear enough to him that Johanna is now a part of my family, at least as much as she'll let herself be considered that.

With all that settled, we make the arrangements to leave the Capitol and go to District 12. As he promised Rory, Dr. Aurelius is coming along. It's no secret that he's helping Peeta and Katniss as well as Gale, Johanna, and Annie. And he laughs when I suggest he might consider moving his entire practice to District 12 seeing how many patients he has there.

As much as she loves the bright colors and excitement of the Capitol, Posy is very eager to go home and all but drags Gale through the throng of people at the train station. Her cheeks are pink with excitement but his are pale with fear. Haymitch and I hurry to keep close in case either one of them gets scared, but they don't. Having used either the pull of a traveling victor or a psychologist treating victors, we four are escorted to a private compartment while Dr. Aurelius settles himself across the narrow hallway.

It doesn't take as long as I'd both expected and hoped for Gale to bring up Posy's zoo revelation to Haymitch.

"You've been kissing my mother, have you?"

He glances at me and shrugs as Posy plasters herself to the window again. "Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. You got a problem with it either way, boy?"

Gale laughs, letting me breathe a sigh of relief, and shakes his head. "Only if you're not kissing her, I suppose. After all, she didn't deny it when Posy ratted the two of you out."

Posy proves she's paying attention by objecting loudly to the charge of ratting anyone out, while adding details about a third time she forgot to mention at the zoo.

I resolve to keep any kissing I do more private from now on.

I won't stop, though, because I like kissing Haymitch Abernathy and there's absolutely no reason I shouldn't do it so long as he treats my children well - and he's already a large part of the reason we didn't starve in the years after I was widowed.

The sway of the train lulls me into a relaxed state so deep that I let my head droop to Haymitch's shoulder. The last thing I see before I fall asleep is Posy crawling into Gale's lap and going to sleep. Things are right in the world once again.

I think.

I hope.

Either way, we're going home.

And we arrive just under a day later.

Rory and Vick are at the train station, standing protectively on either side of Johanna.

Haymitch lifts Posy from Gale's arms and steps back to stand beside me as we watch the scene play out in front of us. I don't know what else to do.

Johanna and Gale stare at each other for a long minute, a very long minute, and then she ran across the open space of the platform and into his open arms.

The boys hold back for a minute, letting Gale and Johanna hold each other and whisper apologies that I feel guilty for hearing, and then they come forward to hug him.

Things go so well that Vick even picks Posy up in a hug and spins her around in a circle that, if her shriek of delight is indication, is something she wishes he'd do more often.

It's as we walk back to the Victor's Village that I realize with a little more confidence that things probably can be right in the world again, if they were ever really right before.

We'll make it work. We always do.

It's easy to imagine it happening again, though, when I can follow my little girl, my two boys growing too quickly into men, my son that became the man of the family long before he should have, and the girl he loves.

Haymitch wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. "Stop worrying and start smiling or the head doctor following us is going to move in with you," he says with just enough disgust at the idea that I can't help but laugh out loud - even it means my children give me looks that say they'd rather not hear me laugh over a man's whisperings.

Oh well.

I like it, so I will.

It's easy to smile anyway.


	12. Forgot the Magic Word

**Chapter Twelve: Forgot the Magic Word**

The laundry woman in me still controls the woman I am now and I get up long before dawn. I still do laundry for the people who've come back to Twelve and have no other way of cleaning their clothes but I don't do it with the urgency I did before. After all, Haymitch is using the victor's money he still gets to make sure my children don't want for anything.

To my surprise, Gale and Johanna are already in the kitchen when I get there and it's obvious I've walked into the middle of an argument.

"Tell him I can drink coffee," Johanna says the moment she sees me.

I wish I hadn't walked into the kitchen. "Why do you say she can't drink coffee?" I ask him, trying desperately not to choose one side or the other two quickly.

"Isn't bad for pregnant women?"

Having never had the means by which to purchase much coffee, especially while I was pregnant, I do not know the answer to that question. So I offer something else. "It might be worse to stress her out by not letting her have any."

Johanna smacks her hands on the table and leans forward to reach for a mug. "Sounds good to me."

"Are you sure?" Gale asks me warily. He's only been home a few days and he's still very nervous about everything relating to Johanna, most everything relating to me and his siblings, and the primary thing related to Katniss - that he hasn't seen her yet.

I bite the inside of my lip and nod. "How about the two of you compromise? Gale, you don't protest Johanna drinking coffee if Johanna, you promise to drink it in moderation. Could you both agree to that?"

"Done and done," she says before he can think about it. "I never drink more than one cup a day anyway. But I need the one and I haven't had any since before..."

I watch Gale as her voice trails off and I hear him finish the sentence with the words "before I pushed you off a balcony."

"Yeah, that," Johanna says as if it means nothing. "Nonetheless, I need a cup of coffee but if you really, really don't want me to drink it, I won't."

He shakes his head and turns to make the coffee. "How much should I make, Mom?"

"One for Johanna, two for me, one for Haymitch, and whatever you want for yourself. Please," I add when he mimics the look I always gave him when he forgot the magic word. I take a step backward out of the kitchen. "I'll give you two some privacy."

They shout "no" in almost perfect unison and then look sheepish together before Gale speaks up. "Actually, we were talking before we got up that we needed to talk to you. Wanted to talk to you. When you're not busy."

I pull out a chair across the table from Johanna and sit down. "I came here for coffee so I'm not busy. Let's talk now." I hope I don't sound as nervous about their seriousness as I think I do.

They seem to have a silent disagreement while Gale finishes making the coffee and all I can do is watch and wait to see who wins out in the end.

In a turn that's not as surprising as it probably should be, it's Johanna who speaks first. "I'm just going to be blunt because that's the way I am and Dr. Aurelius said it's good for me." When I nod my agreement to that, she lays it out. "I don't know a damn thing about having a baby or raising a kid. Considering I can't get wet without losing my mind, it's going to take practice before I can even give my baby a bath. So I got worried, and I bet you'll tell me it was for nothing, that you might not want me to stay here very long now that Gale's here. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

I blink slowly, letting her words sink in and trying to make sense of them. "You're worried I'd ask you to leave because Gale's here?" It seems important to be absolutely clear about everything. "That I don't have room for the woman my son loves?"

She drops her eyes to the empty mug clutched in her thin hands and nods.

I lean across the table and put my hands on hers. "You were right. I am telling you that you worried for nothing. As long as you want to be here, to be a part of my family, I want you to be here. I will keep helping you with water, if you'll let me. I will tell you everything I know about babies, if you want me to. And I will welcome you as a part of my family as long as you'll have me."

Her eyes are still on the mug and she sniffs wetly, shooting a glance at Gale. "I don't know why you're afraid to talk to her," she said, knowing full well I could hear every word. "That's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

I can't help but smile, and I cover it with my hands before either of them can see it. Once I've got that under control I turn to Gale. "What is it that you're afraid to talk to me about?"

He sits down beside me and folds his arms on the table, burying his face in them. "Just that you might not want me to be here," he says, his voice very muffled. "After what I did in the war, maybe I'm not someone who should be around Rory and Vick and Posy."

I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. "The very fact that you're worried about it means you are the best influence the boys especially could ever hope to have. Stop being so hard on yourself, Gale. We are your family and we love you. There is very little you could ever do to change that. Tell me you understand that."

He screws up his face just like he used to when he was a little boy, and nods just like he used to. "Am I allowed to say I'm sorry?"

"Once, and then those two words are banned. Live differently than the man you're afraid you've become. That's how you can show you're sorry if that's how you need to be."

He nods in agreement and leans to kiss my cheek, whispering his one permitted apology in my ear.

"I forgive you," I whisper back before raising my voice to a normal level. "Now, how about you get your mother and the mother of your child some coffee?"

He gets back up with a ghost of a smile on his face.

"You people are weird," Johanna says, dumping two spoons of sugar into her mug and holding it out so Gale can fill it.

"Yes, Johanna," I say, a genuine smile on my face, "families are weird. Is it a bad thing?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "No, definitely not. Just weird. Luckily, I like weird."

Gale coughs to cover a laugh and looks through the cupboards about the sink. "Alright, Miss I Like Weird, what do you want for breakfast?"

She leans toward me and drops her voice to a whisper. "Can he cook?"

I lean forward because I know it'll tease him. "He hasn't cooked for you yet? Gale, how can you not have cooked for her yet?" When he sticks his tongue out at me, I answer her question. "Yes, my son is a very good cook. He can take the most ordinary, bland things we used to eat in the Seam and make them delicious. Posy and Vick's biggest complaint when he finished school and started working in the mines was that they had to eat more of my cooking."

That seems to make her happy enough, and he looks more relaxed for it, and she requests pancakes for breakfast. They're one of his specialties and she agrees with me when she's tasted them, adding only that some syrup from District Seven would make them even better.

I have no doubt he will get her syrup from District Seven.


	13. A Little Less Scared

**Another perspective change **here, people. It's Gale, just so you know. Hope you like it!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: A Little Less Scared**

"Gale!"

I jump when someone shouts my name, and further than I might have because it's Katniss who shouts my name. Spinning to face her, I hold up my hands as if I'm ready for her to send an arrow into my chest. She's empty-handed, though, and all I can do is wonder what she wants.

"Don't open that," she says, eyeing me warily and pointing to the crate I'm standing near.

We're outside and it's cold but I can feel spring in the air. I had no intention of opening the crate. I'm curious now, though. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get close to your things."

"It's not mine," she says quickly. "It's Haymitch's new shipment of liquor from the Capitol. They said you're trying not to drink so I said I'd keep that somewhere you couldn't find it but I didn't get a chance to put it away yet."

Katniss Everdeen does not ramble, but she's rambling. I don't know what this means.

"Right, thanks." I say it because she's waiting for me to say something. "I'll stay away from any crates that look like that."

I start to walk back into the house, knowing Johanna will be up soon, but Katniss calls my name again and I stop. It takes me a long minute to turn to face her. "Yeah?"

It takes her another long minute to say what she needs to say. "I'm sorry."

It's not what I expected. "Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for? You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I do, though," she insists, sounding a little more like the Katniss I knew and loved before. "I'm sorry that when you brought me the arrow, I didn't say anything. I let you walk away thinking I hated you."

"You don't?" I interrupt.

She shakes her head, scowling and kicking at the ground with the toe of her boot. "No, I don't. Maybe I did then. Maybe I wanted to. Maybe I thought I should. But I don't. And I didn't then. I wanted to hate someone, to blame someone and then you were standing in front of me. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and I am sorry."

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check. "Okay, I accept your apology."

"But do you forgive me?"

I nod, letting go my cheek because Dr. Aurelius told me before he left District Twelve a few days ago that I have to remember to let my feelings out or I'll take a dozen steps backward. "I forgive you, Catnip, I forgive you."

She stuffs her hands into the pockets of her hunting jacket and kicks at the ground some more. "Thank you. Congratulations, by the way, on the baby."

I swallow hard and cough to clear my throat before I speak. "Thank you. I didn't, you know, expect that to happen."

She laughs once and shakes her head. "With Johanna? I wouldn't think so. But she needs somebody and you need somebody. I think you're good for each other."

"I hope so." I don't know quite what to do so I mimic her pose and stuff my hands into my pockets. "How's Peeta?"

"Good days and bad, like the rest of us, I suppose. One day at a time and all that other nonsense Dr. Aurelius likes to say."

I laugh then. "For calling it nonsense, you certainly seem to put stock in what he says."

She shrugs and laughs too. "Peeta trusts him so I trust him. He helps Peeta so I let him try to help me. Even if I try to ignore what he says, the fact that I talk to him makes Peeta happy."

She mentioned Peeta three times in one breath and it's clear how much she loves him. For the first time, it doesn't hurt to hear that. Maybe that's a sign of what Johanna means to me. Or what Katniss means to me. Maybe I've grown enough that her happiness is all I need, no matter what form it takes. Any way I look at it, it's progress.

"Peeta and I meant to ask you and Johanna to come over for dinner," she says when I don't say anything, "so, come over for dinner tonight?"

I nod. "Sure. I'm sure Johanna won't say no and I don't want to."

She nods and turns, heading back into her house without another word.

I turn and head into my own house, where I find Johanna standing just inside the front door. She says that so long as Peeta's got District Seven bread for her, she'll go to dinner. "But you don't need to tell him or Katniss that," she adds, "because I already called him."

"Eavesdrop much?"

She winks and motions for me to follow her into the bathroom. "All the time, gorgeous, all the time. Although not nearly as much as your sister does."

I laugh and turn on the water in the bathtub. "No bubbles today?"

She shakes her head and strips out of her pajamas. "No bubbles today. I'm going to be brave and take a regular old bath. You don't even have to get in with me. Not right away anyway."

I can't help but wonder what brought on this new bravery but I'll take it. Even if I have to get in the tub thirty seconds after she does, I'll take it. And I'll try to match it with my own bravery. I don't know how I will, but I will.

In the meantime, I'm still not used to seeing Johanna's changing shape and I can't help but stare as I help her step into the tub.

"Weird, isn't it?" she says quietly, letting her fingers flutter over her middle. She huffs in frustration, apparently at her tender side, and sinks into the water with her eyes squeezed shut.

She never lets go of my hand and I sit on the side of the tub. "Yeah," I agree with a sigh, "it is weird. I spent my whole life saying I would have kids, I wanted kids, if there were no Hunger Games. No there are no Hunger Games, I'm having a kid, and I'm scared silly."

Her brown eyes lock onto me, wide and shocked. "You are? You're scared too?"

Everyone thinks Johanna is the brash, fearless girl. She's not. I didn't know her before she won the Games or just after, but I don't think she was brash and fearless even then. She's just a very, very good actress. So good that she's tricked everyone into thinking she doesn't need much at all.

"Yeah, Jo," I murmur, squeezing her fingers in mine. "I'm scared too. I've got you, though, so I'm a little less scared."

"Or you're acting less scared because you want to be brave for me?" she says, narrowing her eyes in a challenge to me.

"I'd like to say that's true, but I can't. Are you acting brave for me?"

Her laugh echoes in the bathroom. "No, definitely not. You get the real me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, for you anyway."

I let go of her hand long enough to pull off my shirt. "It's a good thing, Jo. That you show me the real you is one of the greatest things I've ever been given."

She blinks back tears and wipes the back of her hand over her face, no doubt so everything will be wet and future tears will just be drops of water. "Get in," she says in a commanding whisper.

I do. I settle behind her and pull her to my chest, keeping one arm wrapped around her chest and shoulders and letting my other hand rest on her stomach.

She lets herself relax against me, putting one hand over mine on her stomach and link our other hands together. And then she whispers the very last thing I thought she'd ever say, and it's so soft I'm not at all sure I'm meant to hear it. But I do.

I hear her say that she loves me.


End file.
